Demisexual

Demisexual is the adjective form of demisexuality, which is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum which describes an individual who only experiences sexual feelings towards another person after they have developed a strong emotional connection with that person.

Sexual orientation indicates the sex or gender of the person someone is most likely to feel sexual attraction or desire towards. Demisexual people can be of any gender identity, sexual orientation, or romantic orientation. There is no causal relationship between gender identity, sexual orientation, and romantic orientation and whether a person will be demiromantic or not.

Demisexuality and the Aromantic Spectrum

Demiromanticism is on the asexual spectrum. Individuals on the asexual spectrum (also referred to as “ace-spec” individuals) feel little to no sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of their gender or sexual orientation. 

Also included on the asexual spectrum are gray-asexual people (i.e. people who occasionally feel sexual attraction, however rarely). This differs from demisexuality in that a gray-asexual person’s occasional sexual attractions or desire are not dependent on a pre-established emotional bond.

Demisexual versus Demiromantic

Demiromanticism is on the aromatic spectrum, aromanticism being a romantic orientation where people experience little to no romantic attraction to others or sexual desire in general. Romantic orientation indicates the sex or gender of the person with whom someone is most likely to have a romantic attraction, develop romantic feelings, or pursue a romantic relationship. It is possible for someone to be both demisexual and demiromantic, but they are not synonymous nor do they always occur in the same individual.

Unless they are aromantic as well, demisexual individuals can and do feel romantic attraction. Their capacity for romantic feelings do not hinge on the precursor of a deep emotional connection. It is their sexual attractions and desires that depend on a trusting bond being formed first. These emotional bonds can sometimes take years to develop.

Demisexual Myths

Demisexuality does not mean that someone is fearful or deliberately disinterested in sex, nor does it mean they dislike sex, find it impossible to experience sexual plesaure, or choose not to engage in sex in a vow of celibacy.

Being demisexual does not affect someone’s capacity for enjoying sex. It simply indicates that they do not feel sexual attraction to someone they do not know. Demisexual people can be very sex-positive, as well as sex-favorable when they develop a bond that allows them to experience a sexual attraction towards someone.

Demisexual Pride Flag

The demisexual pride flag is a variation of the asexual flag, which is comprised of black, gray, white and purple horizontal stripes. In the demisexual flag, the top half is white and the lower half is gray, with a thin purple stripe running through the middle and a black triangle on the left side laid over these three stripes of color.

The black triangle represents asexuality, the purple strip represents community. The gray holds space for gray-asexuality and the white symbolizes the conditional sexuality of demisexuality.