Mutual masturbation

The term mutual masturbation can be used to refer to one of two sexual acts: a) partners masturbating simultaneously in each other’s presence, or b) partners using their hands or toys to pleasure each other simultaneously. 

How does mutual masturbation work?

While the goal of mutual masturbation is mutual pleasure, as with any other sexual act, orgasm does not need to be the end goal. One might engage in mutual masturbation in the lead up to oral sex or penetrative sexual intercourse. Or, it can simply be an intimate sexual act between partners without the need to move onto something else. 

Mutual masturbation might involve two or more partners sexually pleasuring one another by stimulating each other’s genitals using their hands and/or a preferred sex toy, such as a vibrator. Penetration may or may not be involved.

Alternatively, mutual masturbation may involve touching oneself while the other watches, and vice versa. Partners might masturbate at the same time while engaging in dirty talk.

To begin exploring mutual masturbation, you might start by kissing one another or making out to build up arousal. When you’re both ready, you can either touch yourselves or each other.

Mutual masturbation positions

Consider trying out the following mutual masturbation positions, each catered to different comfort and experience levels, as well as preferences:

Alongside. While this position works in pretty much any scenario, it may be particularly appealing to someone who is new to mutual masturbation, or else a little self-conscious. Partners simply sit or lay down next to one another as they pleasure themselves. As this position makes eye contact optional, you can roll over to face one another if/when you’re ready. If you’d prefer the option of pleasuring one another, you might try a variation in which one partner lays down toward one side of the bed while the other stands alongside facing the bed. From this position, the standing partner can use their hands or toys to pleasure the reclined partner while the latter uses their hands or toys on them at the same time.

Mutual missionary. This variation on the classic missionary position has one partner lying on their back and the other either straddling or kneeling between their legs while both pleasure themselves, or each other. If one partner isn’t in the mood to be touched, they can still enjoy watching the other partner masturbate. 

Full frontal. For partners with a penchant for exhibitionism and/or voyeurism, a full frontal view may be the ideal way to explore mutual masturbation. Partners sit facing each other (propped up on pillows, perhaps) with legs spread open wide for a full frontal view. For some, this may be a perfect set up for watching one another masturbate, however, if you sit close enough, there is also the possibility of touching one another.

If you’re mutually masturbating via phone or video, of course, there are a range of other positions you can try, from squatting, to kneeling, standing, laying down—or whatever feels most comfortable.

Mutual masturbation techniques

Mutual masturbation is ultimately about exploring organically until you find what feels good. But whether you’re pleasuring yourself, or your partner, or both, the following techniques may help to unlock further exploration:

- Focusing on erogenous zones before stimulating the genitals.

- Sucking on your fingers (or theirs) while you both play.

- Remaining connected while self-pleasuring by draping your legs over theirs or finding another form of contact.

- Integrating the use of toys, like a clit vibe, nipple clamps, a butt plug, or a cock ring.

Why try mutual masturbation?

Intimacy. Whether you’re partnered or not, masturbation is one of the best ways of connecting with your body, experiencing pleasure, and even reducing stress. When you invite your partner to join in, it can be a very intimate shared form of self-exploration and self-care. For some, mutual masturbation can foster deeper emotional connection. 

Trying new things. Some may want to try mutual masturbation as a form of foreplay, or a way of simply switching up their usual sexual routine. It can also be an explorative way of prolonging sex if your partner suffers from erectile dysfunction.

Sex ed. Engaging in mutual masturbation can help both you and your partner better understand what turns each other on, where one another’s pleasure centers are located, and how to best stimulate them. 

Long distance. If you and your partner happen to be in separate places, mutual masturbation offers numerous options for mutual pleasure from afar. And, if Covid or another illness is a factor, it also offers a socially distanced in-person option.

Safer sex. Exploring mutual masturbation without penetration can be a form of manual outercourse. Some choose outercourse as a safe sex alternative, vastly reducing the possibility of pregnancy or STIs. 

Painful penetration. For those dealing with sexual/reproductive health conditions like vulvodynia, vaginismus, endometriosis, or fibroids, mutual masturbation offers a path to pleasure which avoids pain or discomfort during penetrative sex. 

Is mutual masturbation risk-free?

While mutual masturbation is very safe, there are a few risks to consider. 

Although the risk of getting an STI through mutual masturbation is very low, there is a small chance of STIs if the lining of the vagina or anus is injured during manual penetration, as this can create  an opening for bacteria or viruses. While the risk of pregnancy is also very low, if one partner uses their fingers to penetrate the other’s vagina and there is any semen on them, pregnancy may be possible. To avoid STIs or pregnancy, it’s best to use a latex glove or condom when penetrating the vagina or anus.