10 most common questions about masturbation
Even though people of all genders, creeds, and backgrounds masturbate, and even though open and honest conversations about self-pleasure are almost as pervasive these days as the selection of toys one might choose from to get oneself over that hump, residual shame and stigma are totally still a thing—especially for people with vaginas. This is hardly a surprise, considering the long and sordid history of shaming, ignoring, and dismissing female sexuality. It’s no wonder that we modern day seekers of pleasure must still contend with ghastly phenomenons like the ultra-gendered orgasm gap, and, relatedly, the similarly gendered masturbation gap.
In short, those in possession of all-powerful-all-pleasureful vaginas nonetheless orgasm significantly less than those with penises, and we pleasure ourselves less too. Hint: one leads to the other, and vice versa. Thankfully, all that's changing—slowly but surely.
Whether you masturbate multiple times a day, or you’re brand-spankin’ new to the world of solo pleasure—chances are high that you have questions about masturbation that you don't feel comfortable asking, or that you simply don’t have an opportunity to ask.
Below are 10 of the most common questions about masturbation, answered.
1. Is masturbating disloyal to a partner?
The idea that masturbating while in a relationship somehow constitutes cheating is a confounding one, yet a common question all the same. The concept of “cheating” on a partner is typically one that involves gettin’ it with a third party— unless, of course, you and your partner both agree that self-pleasure is disloyal. If this is the case, you might consider revising your stance, as your own sexuality is separate from your partner’s, and maintaining a sexual relationship with yourself is a healthy form of self-care.
2. Should masturbation lead to orgasm?
Not climaxing doesn't necessarily mean there's anything wrong with you. There are oh-so-many reasons you may be dealing with anorgasmia. While it could mean you just need to explore more, get to know your body better, and/or try out some new toys, it could also be your meds cockblocking you, a difficult relationship, stress, anxiety, depression, hormonal imbalances, conditions linked to painful sex such as vulvodynia and vaginismus, chronic yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis, sexual trauma—the list goes on. If you’re interested in solutions, start by identifying the cause. You got this.
3. How much masturbation is too much?
While it is possible to turn anything into a habit, and sometimes even an addiction, masturbation obsession is rare. Really, as long as you listen to your body and masturbate because you want to, rather than because it feels like a duty or a compulsion, you’re probably good. That being said, if there are particular needs you have to fulfill in order to reach orgasm, such as watching porn (porn addiction is real), it’s good to switch things up now and then so your mind still knows how to get excited without the exact same kind of stimuli every time.
4. Does masturbation take away your virginity?
The concept of virginity is both complex and problematic in its highly gendered and often religious scope. If being a virgin is defined technically, by having an intact hymen, then using dildos—or even tampons—can rupture the hymen, doing away with virginity. If an intact hymen really is the deciding factor, one could have anal sex while avoiding vaginal dildo use and still be considered a virgin (food for thought). If, however, you define virginity as having never had intercourse, then there’s no way masturbation can change that.
5. Is it ok to masturbate while menstruating?
Some people feel extra horny when they have their period. So if you feel called to pleasure yourself at this time in your cycle, there are exactly zero reasons not to go with the flow. In fact, for some people, it’s actually recommended as a way of relieving period pain. You should of course consider mess prevention, like laying down a red towel over top of your white sheets and/or cleaning your toys with care, as blood is a good bacterial medium.
6. Can masturbation trigger infection or disease?
Hells no, and it won’t kill kittens either! Despite what you may have heard, masturbating won't make you susceptible to STIs—if anything, it's one of the safest options because it lessens any chance of you contracting STIs. That said, it’s always good to wash your hands (and toys!) before you masturbate to avoid harmful bacteria—this is just as important when having partnered sex.
7. Is it normal to not want to masturbate?
Some people have really high sex drives, and some are naturally lower. Not having the urge or desire to masturbate isn't necessarily an issue—there’s nothing wrong with it if you’re ok with it. That being said, there are certain medical conditions and medications (i.e. antidepressants, the birth control pill) that may lead to a lower libido. But really, everything from your sleep habits, to your diet, and your stress levels can affect your drive. If you've noticed a drastic change in the voluminousness of your desire, you may want to see a doctor just to be safe.
8. Do people of all genders masturbate?
In spite of the uber outmoded and harmful belief that masturbation is for men and that women don’t need it or want it, rest assured: people of all genders (and ages!) masturbate. Globally, men tend to masturbate 140x a year, or 2.6 times a week, while women masturbate an average of 53 times a year, or once a week. This puts the global orgasm gap at 62%—the enduring stigma surrounding female pleasure, along with the fact that women still shoulder the majority of childcare and home responsibilities likely plays a part in this discrepancy. But a lack of desire or need is not a factor. Check out these stats for a further breakdown of masturbation frequency.
9. Does masturbation make you less sensitive?
While masturbating should not have an impact on the sensitivity of your vagina or clitoris, you might want to pay attention to how frequently you use a vibrator, and the intensity level you choose. Don’t get it wrong. Vibrators are not harmful—in fact, they can play a role in increasing libido, and have been linked to increased sexual function. But because vibrators are designed to accelerate orgasm, if you use one 100% of the time, climaxing without one can feel tedious or challenging. Keep your vibe, but try mixing things up by occasionally masturbating without one.
10. What do people gain from masturbating?
There are countless benefits to masturbation: mental, emotional, physical, hell, even spiritual. It helps you relieve pent up stress, sleep better and even boosts your mood. It relieves physical pain (period cramps included). It can contribute to longer life. It fuels increased brain function. It can make you look younger (i.e., that orgasm glow). It strengthens your immune system. It can even help regulate your hormones. There are few (if any) losses here, and so much to gain. Most of all: pleasure, your birthright.
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