6 ways to practice self-love this Valentine's Day
While yes, the traditional/conventional/mainstream focus of Valentine’s Day is most certainly romantic love between partners, there has oh-so-thankfully been a move toward more lovin’ inclusion in recent years. Galentine’s Day, for instance, AKA celebrating V-Day with your besties, even gets its own day: February 13th. What could be more empowering than breaking free from the shackles of sickly sweet romantic eyelash fluttering (right?!), in favor of celebrating the profound love you share with friends? Well, it’s all a matter of preference, you see, because some would answer, “self-love, bitches,” and they wouldn’t be wrong.
While there ain’t a thing wrong with celebrating the love ’n romance ’n sexiness you share with partners, and even friends, there is most certainly something super important to be said about also taking time out to celebrate your own sweet self this V-Day—y’know, by practicing self-love. Because whether you’re coupled or single or you couldn’t care less, self-love does indeed take practice, nam sayin’?
And since your relationship with yourself is foundational to all other relationships in your life, chances are very high that it could use a little extra attention (or a lot).
This V-Day and everyday, consider integrating the following 6 ways to practice self-love. You’ll thank you later.
1. Pleasure yourself.
You totally saw this one cumming. Masturbation = elation, after all. The act of showing your physical body some love is a basic form of self-lovin’ indeed—even if you’re in a relationship with another human. Use your hand, buy yourself a new toy—whatever it takes to find what feels good. In a masturbation rut? Have you gotten to the point of getting yourself off via quickies only? It might just be time to explore tantric or mindful masturbation. While there are incredible mental and physical health benefits to be had simply by reaching climax, going, um, deeper with yourself can have untold benefits on your heart, your spirit, and your sex life to boot.
2. Make yourself a care package.
If you’ve ever had a family member or friend send you a care package, you know just how delightful it can be, and just how loved it made you feel. If you’ve never had this experience, all the more reason to gift yourself this V-Day. Simply fill a pretty box or basket with a few of your fave things. This might include: dark chocolate, herbal tea, incense, lavender essential oil, high quality water-based lube, and that sex toy Santa neglected to get you because you were too damn naughty. After all, sex toys are on the frontlines of self-care—you heard it here first.
3. Be selfish by learning to say “no.”
Overcommitting is something we all do these days—we can’t help it because the world as we know it is designed to overuse us for its own nefarious purposes. True story. Not only is overcommitting counter-productive, but it can lead to increased stress, anxiety, burnout, the list is long. Setting limits is crucial—not just in your professional life, but your personal one too. We’re taught that being “selfish” is always negative, when in fact prioritizing your needs and wants at least some of the time may just be your key to survival. Practice saying no. Better yet, stop saying yes to people and experiences that are simply not aligned with your values. You’ll free up vital energy for better things.
4. Breathe.
Deep breathing for as little as three minutes each day can help reduce stress, lower your heart rate, and balance your blood pressure. It's the simplest, easiest form of self-love that we, as a species, have at our disposal. You can download apps like Calm or The Breathing App, read Breath by James Nestor, or take a Kundalini breathwork class to master breathing techniques that let you hack into your system (so to speak), and help your energy flow more freely. After all, stuck energy leads to a whole host of physical and emotional wellbeing challenges. Think of your breath as your most reliable life plan and you should be golden.
5. Notice how you talk to yourself.
Be mindful of the way you talk to yourself. Are you always saying “I’m not good at this,” or “why would this ever work out for me?” or “I don’t do enough”? The more you catch yourself saying something unkind (and most likely very untrue) to yourself, switch up the narrative. If you don’t believe yourself when you say, “I’m getting better at this,” or “why wouldn’t this work out for me?” Or “I do so much,” give it time. Practice makes perfect. Hot tip: speak to yourself as you would a loved one; we tend to be a lot less critical with other people.
6. Get creative.
Some might say that our creative juices are closely linked to our sexual juices. That urge to create something new, or express oneself without inhibition, runs parallel to our urge to get it on again and again (until we procreate, or at least write a book!). Flesh out your own love story by keeping a journal where you write poems, diary entries, dreams, dirty fantasies, or anything else you desire. Put on some music you’ve been wanting to hear forever but somehow haven’t found the time. Set an hourly alarm to remind you to get up and dance to one song before returning to your home office. Explore new and creative ways of lovin’ up your sweet body. You got this.
This Valentine’s Day, tell yourself you love yourself and mean it. And if you don’t mean it, say it anyway, and try any or all of the above strategies for better inhabiting this truth. They work if you want them to. <3
