Top 5 sex myths busted
This (definitely not) just in: there are a lot of very commonly held beliefs about sex that simply aren't true.
No matter how old you are, or how experienced in the ways of lust 'n love, chances are you've been affected by at least some of these pervasive misconceptions.
Here, for your steadfast consideration, our top 5 sex myths, busted. Let's unpack them, shall we?
1. Sex is a lot like porn.
While porn addiction is a super real issue to be dealt with, most of the time there's nothing wrong with watching porn. It can be healthy and therapeutic, helping to affirm diverse sexual interests and identities along the spectrum of desire and fantasy. It can also be a way of bonding with your partner. And let's be real, if Florida has declared porn a public health risk, it must be a good thing. But no matter what kind of porn you're watching—even if it's the consciously ethical kind—one thing's for sure: sex IRL is no comparison. No matter how you slice it, porn is about performance, even when it's making an effort to be natural. Real sex cannot and should not be held to the same standard. Real bodies don't necessarily look like porn bodies. Real sex gets awkward, people fart, laugh, and talk to one another to get it right. If a position doesn't work, they adjust, or add a wedge. If someone needs to pee, they go. Trying to emulate porn can make for bad, frustrating, shame-inducing sex.
2. Everyone is having sex regularly.
How often does a ‘normal’ couple have sex? According to a 2017 study, the average adult gets it on about once a week. We also know that the frequency of sex acts tends to decrease after 50, and that Gen Z is apparently having less sex than previous generations due to a super unsexy cocktail of dating app vibes, climate anxiety, and the inability to move out of their parent's homes due to soaring prices. All this to say, everyone is absolutely not having sex. In fact, many people in committed couples have simply deprioritized it and are happy focusing on other things. That being said, if you're in a sexless relationship or one where your sex drive is higher and you're not happy about it, the best and only thing to do is talk it out. Best case scenario: you'll improve your relationship and your sex life to boot.
3. Spontaneous sex is best.
For many of us, our first exposure to sex came from movies, especially those from the 80s and 90s. These films fueled our ideas of romance and showed us what “good sex” was supposed to look like—passionate, spontaneous, and effortless. Fast forward to real life, and it’s no surprise that this depiction doesn’t hold up. The idea that spontaneous sex is the gold standard (or that it's even a thing) is pure Hollywood fantasy. In reality, even the steamiest flings involve more planning and anticipation than we admit (hello, grooming routines). Rather than seeing planned sex as a chore, we can reframe it: anticipation builds desire, and, sometimes, scheduling time to have sex is the best (nay, only) way to give it the attention it deserves—keep that spark alive, dammit!
4. Men are more "visual" creatures.
Outdated gender roles and media stereotypes have long fueled the myth that men are visually driven sex hunters with little power to control their urges, while women play the passive, less desirous role. The idea that men are more stimulated by what they see has somehow stood the test of time, but science says otherwise. Studies have shown that men and women of all orientations respond to visual sexual stimuli in similar ways, challenging the notion that visual desire is gendered. As it turns out, both men and women experience similar levels of sexual desire when exposed to erotic content—or to a hottie passing by. While the "male gaze" perspective still dominates in media portrayals, all genders experience and act on visual desire, and the female gaze more consistently reveals herself in modern-day pop culture (hallelujah). Voila, debunked.
5. Sex equals penetration.
The idea that sex always equals penetration is another outdated misconception that limits how we think about intimacy. In reality, sex can involve a wide range of delicious activities classified as "outercourse" (i.e., touch, oral, mutual masturbation, frottage) which are just as meaningful and pleasurable (if not more so) than intercourse, and which might just widen your range, my friend. Fact: focusing solely on penetration ignores the multifarious ways people connect and explore pleasure. Not to mention, if you or a partner experiences pain during penetration due to vaginismus, vulvodynia, or for any other reason, adjusting your approach (just as you would if a particular sex position wasn't feeling good) is undeniably the way to go. Truth: real, deep, sexual fulfillment goes far beyond one act, and is always evolving. You heard it here first.
Now that you know the whole truth and nothing but the truth about sex and its nuanced realities, go forth—your pleasure path awaits! <3
