5 reasons you should be watching porn with your partner

When it comes to porn in a relationship, people have some very strong opinions. Some people think that watching porn is tantamount to cheating — they don’t want their partner to watch it and they would never do it themselves. But that’s not really realistic because, well, porn is amazing. So, more commonly, a lot of people have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” approach to porn. They know that their partner probably does it, but they don’t want to have that confirmed — and they definitely don’t want to catch them in the act. 

But I advocate for going even further — not just to catch them in the act, but to join them. To talk about your porn habits and watch it together, as a couple. Just like it’s totally natural to find other people attractive even when you’re in a relationship, watching porn shouldn’t be something that’s off limits. And by doing it with your partner, it may even make your relationship and your sex life stronger. Sure, it can be a little awkward at first, but you’ll find a way that works for you. You can just watch it together side-by-side, you can use it as a backdrop to sex, you can even just send your favorite links back and forth. Play around and find something that feels comfortable. But watching porn with your partner can be really good for you — here’s why. 

1. It’s natural — not a dirty little secret 

Firstly, why should watching porn be a secret? It’s totally natural. Pretty much everybody does it — even women. One survey of 3,000 women found that almost a third of them watched porn every single week — and around 10 percent of them watched it every damn day. So many of us do it, so why not embrace it by doing it with a partner? Sure, you should keep doing it by yourself as well — it’s a great way to get some “me time” in — but let’s not act like it’s something we should be embarrassed about. Plus, if it feels like something you have to hide from each other, it could drive you apart. Let it bring you together instead. 

2. It can help you better understand each other 

I think everyone should talk about sex openly, but the truth is that not everybody finds it easy to do so. Some people find it really difficult to talk about what they like in bed, even with people they’re comfortable with — hell, even with the person they’re having sex with. But watching porn is an easy way to talk about what you both like without saying a word. Put on a favorite video or let them see your browsing history and pretty soon your partner will know exactly what you’re into — or at least what you might like to try. 

3. You can learn together 

More than just learning about what both of you like, it’s a great way to see what you might like to do together. You can see a position that you might want to try, a role-play that looks interesting, or even just realize you want to open your sex life up to more people. It’s a great way to expand your sexual horizons if you start translating what you’re watching into the real world. If that’s too much, don’t worry — you can still have plenty of fun just watching it on the screen.  

4. It’s an easy way to mix things up  

If you’re with your partner for a long time, things can get repetitive — and watching porn together is a really easy way to mix things up. Even just having porn on in the background can totally change the mood — let their sounds and occasional glimpses of what they’re doing help guide what the two of you get up to. It’s a total dynamic change at just the click of a button. 

5. Ultimately, it's a bonding experience  

Sex is an intimate thing — but in some ways, porn is even more intimate. It’s a manifestation of our private thoughts and desires, maybe even ones that we haven’t spoken about — or even acknowledged to ourselves. So even more than learning about each other’s sexual fantasies or coming up with things to try, watching porn together is a bonding experience. It’s basically a trust exercise. You’re letting someone into something incredibly private — it shows that your relationship is strong and it can help make it stronger. 

Watching porn together may feel a bit uncomfortable at first — and you may learn some things about your partner that you didn’t expect. But, if you do it in a way where you both feel safe and comfortable, it can bring you closer together. Your sex life can get stronger, you’ll come up with new ideas, and, more than any of that, it will help build trust between the two of you. So don’t be afraid to share.