Cunnilingus 101: 9 hot tips for giving great head

Cunnilingus, AKA licking pussy, eating out, going down, carpet munching, muff diving, or any of the many other colorful expressions for performing oral sex on a person in possession of a pussy.

When it comes to cunnilingus, giving and receiving are both highly worthwhile experiences to inhabit, should you feel called. Not to mention, given the persistently gendered oral sex gap we’re working with, both have revolutionary potential.

Today’s lesson, friends, focuses on how to give…and give good.

How to love up a heart-shaped box

If you’ve got a pussy yourself, you’re already ahead of the game when it comes to pleasuring one—particularly if you’ve experienced it’s pleasure power.

To oversimplify things just a little, cunnilingus is all about using your tongue (and mouth) to stimulate your partner's clitoris, labia, and other sensitive parts of the vulva, including the vaginal entrance, ‘nam sayin’?

Consider the following gift: a rough ’n dirty guide to giving goddess-worthy head.

1. No hurry

Quality sex usually requires some level of build-up and tension. Start by teasing your partner’s erogenous zones—or, literally anywhere but her pussy. Kiss or lick her wrist, neck, breasts, thighs. Blow on her ears. Stroke her back. Make out like teenagers, and/or integrate yoni massage. Foreplay can take many delicious forms, and foreplay to your foreplay is even better.

2. Talk ain’t cheap

While you can always look for clues such as hip-thrusting or face-grinding, sometimes you may require a little direction. Ask her what feels good, if the pace is working, and what else she'd like. A few quick questions can move mountains, baby. Communication and consent, always—don’t forget. Questions are especially important when what you're doing isn't quite working but your partner might not feel comfortable volunteering feedback. Bonus: talking is also a great excuse for dirty talk.

3. Try different positions

Missionary oral (if ever there was an oxymoron), with the receiving partner on their back—is a classic, tried ‘n true. But if that’s uncomfortable for your neck, prop a pillow under your partner’s hips to lift them up. Or, have them shift their sweet ass to the edge of the bed and kneel down before them. Face-sitting and 69ing are also options. Just make sure you’re both comfortable so you can both enjoy the ride!

4. Mind thy tongue

Cunnilingus isn’t a one-equation-fits-all adventure. Experiment with different rhythms, pressures, positions, and motions to find what feels good for your current partner. You might start with broad, gentle pressure, and proceed from there. While everyone’s pleasure is a beast unique unto itself, the top most preferred tongue motions include: up and down, circles, side to side, rapid pulsing in one spot, and lightly sucking the clit.

5. Face the music

Using your whole face and not just your tongue can be incredibly hawt and helpful. For instance, if you're aiming for direct clitoral stimulation, you might try cupping the clit lightly between your lips while simultaneously moving your head around. Remember, your nose can also be an instrument of pleasure, as can your cheeks and your chin.

6. Ixnay on the clit abuse

While many people with pussies can only orgasm via clitoral stimulation, don’t forget that the clitoris also happens to be an incredibly sensitive part of the human body, so pouncing right at it can feel overwhelming, sometimes in an unpleasant way. Then again, some people are very clear on needing extremely direct stimulation to climax. When in doubt, just ask. As far as buildup goes, you might try flattening your tongue and licking upward along her entire vulva, minus the clit. Gently suck on her labia, teasing and allowing the tension to mount.

7. Penetrate to elate

Once you've got an oral-clitoral rhythm down—with consent (always)—you might slide a few fingers or a toy inside the vagina. Oral sex plus penetration and vibration might be too much, so if you’re going for the multi-stimulation approach, a dildo could be the way to go. Slow and steady strokes of the toy or your fingers along with steady pressure from your mouth can work wonders for bringing them to the proverbial mountaintop, possibly à la blended orgasm. Hot tip: if using fingers, insert your middle and index fingers, palm-up, while slowly making a “come hither” motion to stimulate her G-spot—there are toys designed for this too!

8. Don’t curb your enthusiasm 

It’s always super-extra-hot when someone is reeeeaaaallllllly into pleasing their partner—you may already know this from experience. To communicate your enthusiasm, do it like you mean it, for real: use your whole tongue, including the tip and the underside to play around with sensation. Lean into it so your partner feels compelled to press into you as much as they like. You might also add some nipple stimulation into the mix: don’t be afraid to show your enthusiasm for your partner’s body. Chances are, their reaction will only fuel your excitement more.

9. Don’t stop on the way to the top

Unless your partner specifically tells you to stop while they’re having an orgasm, try holding their hips while swirling your tongue around and along their vulva and fingering them. Chances are, this’ll drive them explosively wild—but again, there is never a substitute for communication and consent.

Scent and taste: what to expect

To quote The Vagina Monologues, “Don't believe them when he tells you it smells like rose petals when it's supposed to smell like pussy.” 

Everyone has a different scent and a taste. It might be sweet or sour, metallic or bitter, salty or sharp. Understand that variety is the spice of life, so don't freak out if your partner smells or tastes drastically different from your last partner—this is 100% normal.

The scent/taste can also vary throughout the month, due to your partner’s menstrual cycle. Blood can affect the way it tastes, for instance, as can the white discharge that’s common with ovulation. That said, if you experience any unusually strong scents on an ongoing basis (i.e. fishy/foul odors associated with bacterial vaginosis), you may need to initiate a health-oriented conversation—with tact, and sensual sensitivity.

Xxxtra safety ’n hygiene tips

- Wash your hands and trim/file your nails. If you’re using your fingers, always make sure they’re clean and smooth.

- If you recently drank coffee or alcohol, or ate something (or even if you haven’t), consider rinsing your mouth out first, and/or drinking some water, and maybe even flossing/brushing if the moment allows.

- If you don’t know your partner that well, if one or both of you has yet to get tested, and/or if you have any mouth sores, it’s not a bad idea to use a dental dam to protect against STIs. 

Bottom line: a willingness to explore and a desire to please are the two most important ingredients when it comes to pleasing your partner’s pussy. What works for one person may not work for another, and what works once may not work again. Each moment is a flower in new bloom—remember that, and you’re both pleasure-bound. <3