Mindful Masturbation 101

Chances are, you’ve heard of Tantric sex. It’s all about exploring sexual pleasure without rushing toward climax or conclusion. It’s all about experiencing expansive awareness—of oneself and one’s partner. At its core, Tantra is a set of an ancient spiritual practices rooted in Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jain traditions dating back thousands of years. In the Western world, however, it is most often used to describe a sacred, mindful approach to sexual pleasure.

Whether you subscribe to a sacred sex mindset or not, and whether you’re partnered or solo, the fact is this: mindfulness can transform your relationship with masturbation too. You heard it here first.

What is mindful masturbation?

Mindful masturbation is the practice of being fully present and focused while pleasuring yourself, thereby opening yourself to meaningful connection with your body and the pleasure it offers.

It might involve using mindfulness techniques like deep breathing, staying present in the moment, and being non-judgmental of your thoughts, feelings, and deepest desires. Think of it as a way to cultivate a deeper sense of self-awareness and self-acceptance, as well as to reduce anxiety and improve mental health overall.

Tips for masturbating mindfully

While sexuality is highly particular to the individual, and you have zero obligation to pay heed to anyone else’s guidelines for mindfully stoking your inner fire, consider the following tips if and when you require a little extra inspiration:

Set the mood. As is often the case for partnered sex, a little ambience never hurt anything. Whether it’s nice relaxing lighting, a candle or two, some incense, or music you find particularly conducive to being in your body, do what works for you. And since—as is the case with any meditation practice—the goal of mindful masturbation is to stay present, consider going screenless (that is, remove any screens you normally use during masturbation).

Breathe. When engaging in mindful masturbation, paying attention to your breath can help you stay present and focused on your sensations. Slow, deep breaths can help you relax and stay focused on/in your body. Try inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth—slowly. If you're using a rhythmic movement or stimulation, try matching your breath to that rhythm. If you notice your thoughts going someplace else, simply return your attention to your breath.

Don’t rush it. The goal of mindful masturbation is to experience pleasure, not to reach orgasm as fast as possible (if at all). Take your time exploring sensitive areas of your body other than your sweet pussy. Use your hands to explore erogenous zones like your legs, belly, neck and nipples. If you feel a sense of urgency taking over but are not ready to go there just yet, again, return to your breath.

Be here now. Focus on the pleasurable sensations throughout your body as you explore, noting what feels particularly amazing. If your mind roams, gently return your focus to the physical feeling of touching yourself. Remember: fully inhabiting your body and being present in the moment are one and the same. Once you begin internalizing this truth, mindful self pleasure will come to you more naturally.

Try something new. If you’re used to sex toys, exploring your own body with your hands may be the way to go. If you’re accustomed to only ever using your hands, introducing a sex toy may be just what the good goddess ordered. Try masturbating in new places, in front of a mirror, in new positions, or with your non-dominant hand. Experimenting in this way can wake you up to the inherent aliveness of bodily sensation, and teach you things about yourself you didn’t know you needed to know.

The benefits of mindful masturbation

Practicing mindful masturbation can have a number of invaluable benefits for your mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing. These include:

A deeper understanding of your pleasure and desire. Carving out the time to try new masturbation techniques teaches you what feels best, and what turns you on. Taking the time to get to know the different areas of your luscious bod allows you to explore deeper, more enduring sensations of pleasure than you might experience with your usual brand of masturbation, more-better pleasure being its own reward!

Better sexual experiences. Exploring your desires and preferences in a nonjudgmental and mindful way can make it easier to experience more satisfying sexual experiences with a partner. Knowing your personal preferences helps you to communicate your desires to a sexual partner, boosting your sexual self-confidence as well as your capacity for pleasure.

Improved self-care. Prioritizing your pleasure means taking time for yourself. Practicing regular masturbation is an act of self-care, boosting your mental health and sense of self-love, something we could all do with a little (or a lot) more of. Revising your practice of masturbation from quickie relief to slow lovin’ (at least some of the time), can go a long way.

More robust physical health. From pain relief, to immunity boosting, the regulation of your menstrual cycle, increased fertility, more restful sleep, the simple fact of exercise, increased brain function, to overall longer life, the potential bodily benefits of sexual pleasure are numerous and impressive, to say the least. And when one self-delivers said pleasure in a mindful, loving manner, those benefits are only enhanced.

Reduced stress. Masturbation releases happy hormones and neurotransmitters that help reduce stress and blood pressure while promoting relaxation, and improving your overall mood. Whether or not you experience an orgasm, engaging in self-pleasure relieves mental tension and reduces your stress levels so you can hear your body speak.

Bottom line: if you're interested in mindful masturbation, approach the experience with curiosity and openness, and be gentle and kind to yourself. Intentionally practicing mindful masturbation on a regular basis can and will build your pleasure wisdom. Chew on that—pleasure wisdom, baby. Over time you will see its benefits more and more, making the act of staying present while you stroke your zone a lot easier and more imbued with compassionate, hot AF self-love.