Ultimate guide to sex positions: Queening

Let’s talk about sex positions.

Whether you’re starting out with a new partner or looking to spice things up with an old flame, this series of guides is for you. 

Next up, we have a positively royal position known as Queening.

Queening:

As Men’s Health so eloquently puts it, “If you're on the giving end of the equation, think of your partner as your queen...and your face as her throne.” 

Queening, AKA facesitting, is when one partner sits over top of the other's face to allow for oral–genital or oral–anal sexual contact. 

According to Urban Dictionary, Queening is the “ancient art in which a woman presses and rubs her genitalia and/or anus against the tongue, lips, and nose of her subordinate…Originally a way for upper class women (Queens included) who wished to achieve sexual gratification without becoming pregnant; be they a virgin or a wife with her husband unavailable. It was usually the job of male slaves and servants to submit to their mistresses desires…” The practice can apparently be seen in ancient Egyptian drawings, and is also a historic part of ancient Japanese, Chinese, Indian, Medieval European, Victorian and other cultures. Go figure.

Today, Queening is common in kink and BDSM circles, and is a popular way of exerting sexual power and/or exploring erotic asphyxiation. Some prefer to use a queening chair, which is a low seat that fits over the submissive's face and contains an opening to allow for oral stimulation of the receiving partner while they’re seated. While someone of any gender identity can be the facesitting reciever, Queening is often performed by the femme-identifying dominant partner.

Even for those not drawn to dominance or submission, or any particular kink, Queening is often understood as an empowering way for women to attain sexual gratification. And those who consent to being sat on do so because they find it incredibly arousing too.

(Not so) fun fact: facesitting was one of the acts banned in UK-made porn in 2014, prompting protesters to sit on each other’s faces in public (while fully dressed), as a way of highlighting sexist changes to the law that appear to target women’s sexual enjoyment. In other words, Queening is also a subversive act!

A note on terms:

When discussing penetration, we use the terms “thrusting partner” for the person with the penis (biological or synthetic), and “receiving partner” for the person accepting the act of penetration (vaginal or anal).

It is important to note that being a receiver is not a passive, subservient role. It is an active, enthusiastic role. There is power in choice, and by choosing to invite their partner inside them, the receiver is exercising that power.

Furthermore, the thrusting partner is not just a giver. Of course, they also receive pleasure during the act. But for the sake of clarity and consistency, we have selected these terms for the two sides of the dynamic. 

How to do it:

The Queen in question kneels over their “subject” (AKA the giving or thrusting partner), who will be laying down on their back. The Queen then straddles their face with a leg on each side, and uses their thigh muscles to hover right over their mouth. 

Unless otherwise agreed to, the receiving partner (the Queen) usually doesn’t sit their entire body weight down, so Queening can be a simultaneous sex act and a thigh workout.

Once the Queen is in position, their partner should do whatever they normally do when performing cunnilingus: suck, kiss, flick with their tongue, and nudge with their nose—for maximal clitoral bliss.

Reasons we love it:

-It’s a great position for achieving orgasm because it facilitates unhampered clitoral stimulation, as well as total control for the receiving partner—two qualities that can be less than attainable in other positions.

-It's perfectly suited to receiving partners interested in exploring a sense of dominance, or who enjoy feeling worshipped by their partner.

-It’s ideal for givers who like feeling submissive, as the receiving partner can get as into riding their face as they desire. 

-If the giving partner is an “ass man,” they’re in for a treat: a face full of booty, baby.

-It’s a position that encourages continual communication and consent. While the receiving partner communicates their preferences, the thrusting partner must also be able to communicate (via a safeword or gesture, perhaps) if something isn’t working or if they need a break. 

Variations to try out:

Besides choosing whether to place their knees on either side of their lover’s face or squatting directly on top of them (as previously discussed), there is one other main variation to explore when Queening:

Reverse Queen

The receiving partner gets into position over their partner’s face, but turned in the opposite direction, so as to face their partner’s feet.

This variation is particularly well-suited to exploring the wild ride that is rimming, AKA analingus, or oral-anal pleasure. Deliciousness among consenting adults.

Other tips and tricks:

- For partners who are full-on into exploring erotic asphyxiation (AKA breath play) together, the receiving partner can try “smothering” the thrusting partner—with ample safety precautions, always.

- If hovering over their partner becomes difficult, the Queen might hold onto the bed frame for added stability.

- As the receiving partner, the Queen should feel free to take full advantage of this empowering position to tell their partner what feels good, what feels mind-blowing, and what feels weird. After all, a Queen is a Queen is Queen.