10 easy and mind-blowing ways to use your hands

It happens. Sometimes, you’re in the heat of the moment—whether that means making out, oral sex, or straight up gettin’ it on, and you become distracted by your hands. What should they be doing, you wonder. Surely, they should be doing something.

Sure, you could just lay them at your side or rest them in your lap—there’s no law against idle hands. Still, considering just how useful hands can be overall, it can seems like a waste not to properly integrate them into your erotic life.

Here, we offer you a rough ’n dirty guide for where to place your hands (or your partner’s hands) as a way, of um…escalating any given situation. Every entry on the following list constitutes a) something you can do to turn the heat up in a given scenario (with consent, always), or b) something you can ask for, to increase your own pleasure. Sex is always a give and take, after all. And, since sexual activity should always be creative, do feel to free to mix and match these suggestions to fit your preferences, or the specific scenario you’re facing.

1. Heady hands

Whether you’re making out, or kissing up a storm in any number of different sexual positions, taking your partner’s head in your hands (or asking them to do this to you) can really quickly up the ante. Whether it’s placing your hands on either side of their head, gently cupping their jaw, or placing a bit of pressure on the back of their head (as a way of pulling them in more), this type of thing is bound to intensify feelings of connection and excitement. There's also something undeniably dominant and intimate about it. Yum.

2. A gentle push

This one works well while being fingered or penetrated, particularly in positions that have you on your back. While your partner is busy kneeling/crouching/groveling between your luscious thighs, simply place a hand on your lower abdomen and exert a gentle pressure. Why? Because when you put pressure on your lower abdomen, you're pushing on your bladder, which, in turn, pushes on the g-spot located just below it. We’re talking about external g-spot stimulation, here. Experiment with pressing down or having your partner press down just above your pubic bone to add an extra dimension or two to your pleasure.

3. Behind your back

If you and your partner are into power games, obediently clutching your hands behind your back may just take your sexin’ to a whole new level. This works beautifully while giving head (“look, no hands!”), queening, and can even be hot while riding your partner in cowgirl (in reverse cowgirl, your partner might actually hold onto your wrists). You might rely solely on the thrill of expectation (the pre-discussed expectation that you won’t allow your hands to participate), or else enforce it a little with a handy pair of cuffs.

4. Vanilla choke

If you and your partner are fully into actual choking in the sack, then by all means, do so, but do so safely—erotic asphyxiation comes with very real risks. Otherwise, you might try the vanilla variant: simply placing a hand on your partner's neck (or asking them to do it to you). While this is more show than anything else, it can trigger the release of all manner of erotic juices—if the mere idea of being choked or controlled excites you, that is. Works well in any position that allows you to reach/grasp your partner’s throat area, or vice versa.

5. Main squeeze

If you often find yourself unsure what to do with your dancing digits while giving your partner a blow job, you might cup their balls in your hand and leave it there, or stroke them lightly, or else go one further, encircling and squeezing the base of their shaft with your index finger and thumb, almost as though your hand was a cock ring. You might be surprised just how exciting something like this can be for your partner, and just how easily it can enhance their pleasure and even accelerate climax (if that’s what’s up). Try finding a rhythm: you might keep your hand there the whole time, but only squeeze when your mouth moves downward, for instance.

6. Hand to mouth

While in any sex position that allows you (or your partner) to reach the other’s mouth, consider a little hand to mouth action. It’s simple: in the heat of the moment your partner might slide a single finger into your sweet mouth for you to suck on—a veritable candy cane. What’s not sexy about that? Then they might try two fingers, or three, whatever feels good and hot to both of you. Chances are that you’ll be just as turned on sucking your partner's fingers as they are watching you suck them. Mmm.

7. Holding hands

Holding hands is inherently romantic and intimate. While you can do it strolling down lover's lane, you can also do it in the throes of pure lust, wrapped in sweat-drenched sheets, yes indeed. You can try this in any sex position that allows it, or even while making out. Suggested use: have your partner sit upright on a sofa and straddle them à la cowgirl while riding and holding hands simultaneously. Add a little eye contact, and you just might reach explosive proportions.

8. Hands on hips

Placing your hands on your partner’s hips can make them feel safe, held, and pleasantly owned—nam sayin’? When you’re in missionary you might place your hands on your partner’s ass or hips, pulling them in closer as they thrust into you. And if you’re in cowgirl, or some cowgirl variation, you might ask your partner to place their hands on your hips or ass, guiding you firmly into place. Chances are high that even a subtle placement of hands on hips will drive you both a little wild.

9. Hands up, baby, hands up

If you’re in any position that has you laying on your back, it can feel really amazing to raise your hands far above your head, in full surrender. You don’t need to have your partner tie your hands together (or to the bedpost), though this is always an option. Not only is this position a great stretch (no joke), but it allows you to let loose and learn to fully receive the bountiful gifts on offer to you.

10. Spreading the love

If you’re in doggy style, reverse cowgirl, or any other position that has you showing off your scrumptious backside, your hands might be too busy supporting you to do anything else. But if you get to a place where you’re comfortable leaning your face/chest down on the bed directly, your hands are freed up to do all kinds of naughty things—like spreading your butt cheeks open so your partner can get a better view (you can always ask them to do this if you’d rather not, or if it’s physically awkward). If you’re into anal sex, this can also serve as mind-blowing foreplay. Alternatively, while having sex on your back, you might use your hands to spread your labia open—thereby allowing your partner a full glimpse of your shiniest self. Hot. A. F.

Bottom line: it’s natural to feel fidgety and unsure what to do with your hands sometimes, no matter how organic that good lovin’ is. But it doesn't take much to creatively and sensuously integrate those wondrous hands into your erotic life. Try out any or all of the above suggestions, explore, and most of all, have fun with it. <3