Cuffs 101

Considering trying BDSM for the first time? Restraints in general and handcuffs in particular are a really fantastic place to start. There are so many reasons you might want to try cuffs with your partner, from exploring roleplay and fantasy, to simply “spicing things up.”

Introducing cuffs into your sex life can unlock (pun intended) a whole new level of pleasure and play—you heard it here first!

But while using handcuffs may seem pretty self-explanatory, there are a few key things to know to ensure you’re getting the most out of cuffing or being cuffed—and doing it safely.

Pre-cuffing protocol

As with any sexual act, jumping right in without conferring with the other party or taking a moment to consider the proper setup is simply not the way to go!

- Talk about it.

When many people think of BDSM, a calm, kind, and respectful conversation is probably the last thing that springs to mind. But as with any form of BDSM play, cuffing needs to be based on absolute trust and effective communication between partners. Establish consent, boundaries and safewords before you begin exploring. Talk to your partner about exactly what turns you on—chances are high this will lead to dirty talk, allowing you to go into great detail, while at the same time building up the delicious suspense.

- Set the scene.

Set a seductive scene by tuning in and relaxing with your partner. Light some candles and incense, put music on (if that’s your jam), kiss, and let the anticipation rise. A slow build makes your body more receptive to sensation. If you’re drinking, don’t have too much alcohol—not only does it make you less physically sensitive, but BDSM play must always be based on safety and consent, and being sober helps with that, especially when you’re trying something out for the very first time.

Choosing the right cuffs

One might say there is a cuff for every mood, so, although there are no hard and fast rules here, putting a little thought into your choice is always a plus.

- Furry cuffs

Many prefer to begin with soft or fuzzy cuffs. While many versions of these types of cuffs leave much to be desired, as the metal digs right through the shoddy material into the wearer's skin, these heavy-duty but furry cuffs actually do their job, keeping you or your partner comfortably constrained while looking irresistibly hawt. And, not to worry, because although these sturdy cuffs were made to play hard, their locking mechanism has a quick-release button in case you lose the key in the heat of the moment. You'll both love the sensuous feel of the velvety-soft faux fur as it teases your skin. And as much as you might think you want metal cuffs digging directly into your skin, it’s always wise to at least begin with a soft and playful barrier.

- Buckle cuffs

Buckle cuffs are often the easiest type to use and their fabric or leather straps cause less irritation to the wrist during wear. These Midnight Lace Cuffs ask that the wearer surrender to the gentle caress of soft, fine lace. These wrist or ankle cuffs (as you please!) come with metal buckles to adjust the sizing so the wearer can secure them as tightly or loosely as is comfortable, as well as a chain to secure the wrists together. Meanwhile the Bondage Couture Ankle Cuffs are perfect for beginners and compatible with other bondage gear to boot, making them equally well-suited to seasoned experts. You might use them on their own, or, if you’re ready to up the ante, use your hogtie to connect them to wrist cuffs. Oh my.

- DIY cuffs

Rope cuffs are also great introductory toys for restraint rookies. They're made from soft yet sturdy material, and with sliding knots rather than clasp openings. While you can find them online, all you really need to make your own is some soft rope and the ability to tie a handcuff knot. In many ways, the type of material you prefer in a cuff will depend on the intricate desires of your kink-mind: while for some, the psychology of rope is everything, for others, cold metal is king, and for yet others, nothing can trump leather, or lace. And if you just want the effect of cuffs without spending time, money or too much effort, neckties or silky scarves can also make totally respectable cuff substitutes. Experiment, and have fun with it!

Picking your position

We’re almost there—but before anyone gets handcuffed to anything, you need to pick your position. Maybe you want your hands tied high above your head, or behind your back like a detainee, or to the bedposts like a naughty girl who's being punished. The person being restrained will have to rely somewhat on their partner to position them properly in their cuffs of choice (that’s what the pre-cuffing conversation is for).

If you’re really not sure what position to start with, having the restrainee laid out on their back, and cuffed with hands above their head is a simple and exciting beginner position and it leaves you both free to get into myriad scintillating sex positions, explore endless erogenous zones, and give/receive oral sex at whim.

Handcuffs can be whatever you want them to be: a flirty-spice addition to hawt vanilla sex, a kinky addition to your already off-the-cuff repertoire (pun 100% intended), or a gateway toy to the untold depths of BDSM ferocity. As. You. Please. <3