Polycule

The term polycule is a cross between poly, meaning “many,” and "molecule.” It refers to a polyamorous relationship structure in which three or more people are linked—typically romantically and/or sexually—via their relationships to one or more members of the group. When the various polyamorous relationships are rendered in diagram form, their shape resembles that of a molecule.

What is a polycule, in practice?

Contrary to open relationships, which often lend themselves more easily to short term and/or casual sexual affairs, polyamory is a form of non-monogamy amenable to a wide range of relationship depths and types—and a polycule is a network of consensually polyamorous relationships, all connected to one other in some way.

Each person in a polycule is usually involved in some kind of relationship with its other members, however, these relationships are not necessarily romantic or sexual in nature. This means that a person does not need to be dating everyone in their polycule to be considered a part of it. While some polycules function as a dating web of shared partners, others function as a live-in family group in which there are different types of bonds between all members, and still others are largely made up of people who have yet to meet one another, but remain vaguely connected (under the same “intimacy umbrella,” if you will), via their shared partner(s). In fact, many may only be second or third degree connections. It’s worth noting that there’s no limit to how large a polycule can grow.

Polycule structure types

Polycules can assume a variety of forms, but there is no “right" way to build one. While there are seemingly endless polycule types out there, the following are some of the most common structures used:

The “V”

A “V” is a three-pronged polycule, with one partner acting as the “hinge” at the centre, and the other two partners connected to them but not to each other (in other words, metamours but not partners). While the two metamours are not joined via romance or sex, they may still see themselves as part of the same polycule—they may even live together or be friends.

The triad

Triads, also known as throuples, are three-person polycules where all three members see one another as equal or "primary partners," and are all involved in a romantic/sexual/emotional relationship together. If the triad is open to sex and romance outside of the throuple, the secondary partners may also be understood as part of the overall polycule.

The quad

Quads work similarly, to triads, but with four people instead of three. There are also quints (five people)—but the more people involved, the more complex it all gets, hence the usefulness of the term “polycule" to refer to any extended web of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual involvements.

The platonic polycule

For some (including those who identify as relationship anarchists), friends and platonic partners are just as much cherished and valued as lovers. As such, people may also choose to organize their lives around a group of people they don't necessarily have sexual or romantic relationships with, and this can be referred to as a platonic polycule.

The polyfidelitous polycule

A polyfidelitous polycule is a “closed” polycule—sometimes a triad, quad, or quint—where each person has agreed to be exclusively connected or committed to the others within the group. No one within a polyfidelitous polycule is open to emotional, sexual, or romantic connections outside of the defined polycule group.

The question of hierarchy

Relationship anarchists maintain that it’s entirely possible to have multiple partners without establishing a hierarchy (i.e., labeling partners as primary, secondary, etc.). Indeed, it’s not uncommon for multiple members of a polycule to share homes or finances—and hierarchy isn’t necessary unless desired. That being said, couples who are well established as a unit (i.e. who live together and/or are raising kids together) are often understood as primary partners who may or may not choose to bring secondary partners into the fold.

How to know if a polycule is right for you

Consensual non-monogamy is becoming more and more common. According to a YouGov survey from 2020, 43% of millennials are “likely to say their ideal relationship is non-monogamous.”

Still, even if you are or want to be polyamorous, a polycule may or may not be right for you.

If committing to the very real work of strong communication, emotional processing, and time-management sounds exhausting, a polycule may not be well-suited to your needs. Patient communication is crucial in a polycule because you are navigating relationships with more than one person, each of whom is likewise engaged in their own relationship(s)—it therefore becomes especially important to be a thoughtful and active listener. Similarly, if the thought of knowing about your partner's other relationships and special bonds awakens intense jealousy or fear, then a polycule may not be for you. You might instead consider parallel polyamory, wherein a person does not know about their partner's other partners. Instead, separate relationships simply coexist, running parallel to one other without intersecting.

Finally, if you’ve weighed all options and are ready to commit to a polycule lifestyle, always be certain you’re not forcing a polycule to take shape where there’s a lack of will or consent. For instance, your partner's partners may not be immediately interested in forming a closer bond, as these things can take time to form organically. Avoid straining your established relationship(s) by trying to expand too quickly into a polycule. Be sure to take the time needed to fully comprehend and honor the boundaries of everyone involved, yourself included.