How to embrace your sexuality, even when you're not getting any

Maybe life isn't feeling all that sexy lately. That's understandable, given the modern world we're inhabiting, with all its stresses, its constant demands, and its pressure to perform daily—amid war, genocide, climate change, and a struggle to pay the bills. Even on a good day, it's a lot. Or maybe life does feels potentially sexy, but because you haven't got a partner with whom to explore it, you're losing your inspiration. Or maybe you've chosen to be single/celibate for a while.

Or maybe—just maybe, for innumerable other possible reasons—you're just not getting any.

No matter what the situation, know this: you do not need another human being to help you explore your sexuality, deepen your sensuality, or expand your eroticism.

Since our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship of all, do consider the following ways of loving yourself right up. 

Masturbate—it never gets old

Self-lovin' is something you can always come back to, whether you're in a relationship, single, or happily promiscuous. If you're an inveterate masturbator who has fallen into a rut, not to worry. There are oh-so-many creative and indulgent ways of hitting reset on your pleasure dome. Tantric masturbation, for instance, is all about slow, meaningful and mindful self-pleasure. What could be more key to healing in these trying times? Just as with tantric sex, the journey is the destination. Think of it as a form of meditation which may or may not culminate in climax. You might surprise yourself at what you discover, just by letting go of expectations as you explore.

Do a photo shoot

While orchestrating a delicious boudoir-style photo shoot where you get dolled up and take photos of yourself for your partner is a hot AF gesture that's sure to spice up your bedroom antics, doing it just for you is arguably even hotter. And hell, it doesn't need to be boudoir-style —it can be any damn style you please: punk, grunge, or Teletubbies, if you please. Whatever rocks your boat. Not flush with cash? Not comfortable with a pro-photographer? No problem, you can easily do it yourself with a super minimal setup. With a little creativity, and these trusty tips on the best poses for shooting mind-blowing nude (or semi-nude) pics, you're well on your way to capturing your true essence, and empowering your sensual self.

Up your erotic hygiene

It's 2024, and many of us are stuck on our devices 24/7, or close to it. No matter how practical, convenient, or downright necessary tech may seem to modern existence, it can be a real cock-block—both sexually and spiritually. A question for any age: how erotic is your relationship to your self, to your body, and to the world? Here’s a little secret: the erotic is highly personal, and while it might include sex, it goes so far beyond that. Living an erotic life means actually inhabiting your body—as opposed to living all day in your head. Major reveal: you can't fully inhabit your body without being in the present moment. Erotic hygiene is all about checking yourself when you're rushing through life without good reason; claiming the rest you need; acknowledging addiction, expressing emotions; making time to do nothing at all; and cultivating sensual sanctuary—whatever that means to you. You've been blessed with full creative license.

Care about self-care

“Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Black civil rights activist, writer, lesbian and feminist Audre Lorde said that. For Lorde, self-care wasn’t buying a candle, a new herbal tea, or any other form of consumerism, self-care was the sustenance that sustained her ability to enact positive change in the world. Now, no one's saying you need to give up bubble baths or chocolate or new sex toys or porn! We can and should indulge in small and big pleasures, after all. But dare yourself to move self-care away from the realm of occasional indulgence to the realm of fully integrated self-love—the kind that enacts positive change in your world, for starters. Rather than working your ass off without reprieve only to take a week long vacation and come right back to the same tempo, be kind to yourself all the time. Check your negative self-talk. Speak to yourself the way you would a close friend. Eat what your body craves, deep in its cells. Do your Kegels. Pay attention to your sexual health. Self-care is permission to do you, as though your life depended on it.

Buy yourself a toy

Sometimes, we all need a little retail therapy. A new toy to fiddle with. A novel new device that is sure to send your pleasure skyrocketing to infinity. Why? Because there's joy in pleasure for pleasure's sake. And because joy can be hard to come by in the course of your average hustle-bustle day. And also because there are countless new angles and intensities—if you will—from which to experience pleasure. In sex toys, as in life, babe. Not to mention, an orgasm a day can literally keep the doctor at bay—you heard it here first. Whether it's a titillating clit vibe you're after, a deep 'n dirty g-spot vibe, a butt plug, or a couples toy (for those of you looking to re-enchant your uninspired SO), Bellesa's got you covered. Your sexual-sensual self is sure to thank you heartily as you're clawing your mojo back to the world of the living, one deliciously belabored breath at a time.

Just because you're not getting any, does not mean you can't get yours, and stay centered in your personal-pleasure-power. You have everything you need. <3