6 ways to make your partner wet

For many women, natural vaginal lubrication is part and parcel of getting turned on. But although ‘getting wet’ can totally be a sign that your partner is loving it, never assume. Why? Because even if wetness, for you, tends to mean “hell yes,” it is very possible to be wet without being turned on, and it’s equally possible to be turned on without being wet. Everyone is different. In other words, wetness is never a stand-in for consent, so never skimp on the communication, ‘kay?

All of this said, knowing how to help your partner get to that lush, lascivious place in the sun can be a major boon to your overall sex/love life.

Wetness 101

Let’s break it down, shall we? When sexually aroused, blood-flow to the vulva increases, stimulating glands in the vagina to generate fluid. That said, fluid can also come from the walls of the vaginal canal. This wetness helps lubricate the vagina, facilitate penetration, and protect against friction. But people with lower levels of estrogen (i.e., those who’ve gone through menopause, those with certain medical conditions, or some trans people) may get less wet, if at all. Not to mention, anxiety, stress, and relationship problems can, naturally, make it harder to get wet. On the other hand, your partner’s body might respond involuntarily to stimulation even if they’re not into getting it on at that moment.

When it comes to making your partner wet, keep in mind that a) it can take time and may require patience (you may know this from your own experience), and b) everyone’s different, so what worked for a past partner may not work now.

Once you’re doin’ the deed with mutual enthusiastic consent, consider the following 6 ways to make your partner wet!

1. Make them feel sexy.

Some of us are insecure about our pussies—let’s blame society's fucked up gender image shit for that. So, especially if your partner’s a bit slow to relax into receiving pleasure, make it abundantly clear how much they turn you on, how hot you find them, and how much you want to be there. In short, make do what you can to make your partner feel gorgeous and magical. For some people, simply being told that someone desperately wants to do them is enough to help them relax. And relaxation is a key ingredient on the path to delicious wetness.

2. Don’t skimp on the foreplay.

According to sex coach Amy Levine, Women often require 20 minutes of foreplay to become really aroused—of course this may be more or less, depending. If you’re more accustomed to partners with penises, this may seem foreign to you, bu you need only look to your own body for a reminder. Kiss your partner up and down the length of their body, avoiding the clit. The idea here is to drive them nuts, prequel style—maybe even drawing patient inspiration from the principles of Tantra.

3. Take matters into your own hands.

We often forget that our hands are pure magic. They can produce a wild range of sensations— from gentle, barely-there stroking, to firm rubbing, to deep penetration. Light, teasing movements can really build anticipation and may be a sure way to make your partner wet. Start by tracing light, delicate motions on the outside of your partner’s underwear. Begin at the top of the labia and stroke down over their clit. You’ll know they’re turned on if their clit hardens and swells (or by asking!). Once they’re more aroused, explore different levels of speed and pressure, always asking for feedback, of course.

4. Put your money where your mouth is.

Zara Barrie writing for Elite Daily has this to say about going down on your partner: “This is very important: You must not be afraid to look at it. If you're afraid to look at a woman's vagina, dead on, you have no business being down there.” Of course, take this with a grain of salt, especially if you’re new to partners with pussies (and maybe still learning to love your own pussy). Know this, however: for anyone super sensitive who prefers a very gentle touch, your tongue may be the ticket. It can provide just the right level of pressure, and, coupled with the mouth’s natural moisture, wetness usually follows. Try using your mouth on their other erogenous zones as well, or simply take the time kiss. Some people get sopping wet while just making out!

5. Talk dirty.

The brain is often referred to as the most powerful erogenous zone of them all—with reason. Your words can be just as powerful as any body part, and then some. Try telling your partner what you’d like to do with them, describing what you love about their body, and how wet you want to make them. This is also a great creative skill to have if you’re trying to make your partner wet via phone or sexting. And, if you’re ever unsure what your partner needs ninth moment, just ask them. Timeless truth alert: communication is hot AF. Not to mention, it can serve as a natural segue to heavier dirty talk as you encourage them to describe what turns them on. 

6. Lube.

For those who don’t get wet naturally, there is zero shame in lubing up. That’s why lube exists, after all. Water-based or silicone-based lubes are a strong choice, as they compare to the slip-slide of vaginal fluids, they won’t break down condoms or gloves, and they’re safe for a range of skin types. On the other hand (food for thought!), if your partner is very capable of self lubrication, but the sexual chemistry between you is stilted or off, consider not using lube as a crutch, as it can sometimes stand in for patient exploration.

Once your partner’s good and wet, chances are you’ll be equally aroused. At this point, you might bring her over the mountain with your tongue, your hands, a toy, or a strap-on. Or, you might rub up against your partner without penetration, AKA frottage or outercourse, or “tribbing” in the case of vulva-on-vulva sex.

Bottom line: the best sex is sparked from intimacy and is not rushed. Sex is always has the potential to be magical and should be treated as such. If you both start from there, I know you’ll reach that lush, lascivious place in the sun—together. I hear there’s a waterfall there.